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what am i talking about!
i dont even say whatever.
AH!

Awful Truth.

I guess one day of happiness was too much.

whatever.

Everlasting Love

you. you charming sweet talking love of mine.

you silly girl!
put your glasses on!
thats why you think everything has been a blur lately, you havent worn those glasses in weeks.
there. Now everything is clear. everything is starting to make sense.
They told you that you were just thinking too much!
Dont freak out so badly.
Youre good.
And apparently, thats how it works.
You make bad decisions.
You go through sad situations.
You learn that lesson the hard way.
You meet the person, thats unlike any other.
Time takes care of the rest.
I suppose thats how it is.
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I havent smiled like this in awhile.
Its funny the way things come in place.

Lack Of Color.

I woke up today not wanting anything to do with this saturday.
All I wanted to do was lay there. Catch up on some sleep.
But instead I pulled myself out of bed and went on with the day.
I have felt weightless and uncomfortable since my eyes opened up.
This is also what happened last night.
Oh well.
Theres a lack of color in my life today.
But tonight should be fun.

Way of the Light.

The truth is I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t.

Cruel..Cruel..Men

Its a dinner for 3, but only 2 will be attending.
“No, not tonight, im going to the bar for dinner”

yeh. should have guessed. I suppose this family..his family will always be second best.

No Sign Of Life.

Perfectly Imperfect.
When I meet new people, they suddenly fall in love with who I am.
Ive been told by plenty of people that I am perfect.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..please, stop joking.

Peter Lee, I dont even really know him, and he sent me flowers and a bear.
That really amazes me.
Someone who has only seen me at…ha….yeh. and he knows how much of a bad week I have had..and he sends me flowers.
wow.

Pain: A curious gain which I’m not so kippy to experience again.

Miss Sunflower.

Lets have a talk.

You have this thing thats been bothering you for awhile now.
You arent taking the time to give yourself the time to think about this problem.
Please, please do not let this go.
You have become such a healthy artist, and everything you do, everything you say, everything you touch was so beautiful.
Please, please do not let this go.
Youre starving for a real thing.
Im clinching tight, I wont dare let this go.
You just have to hold the other end..just as tight.
Thats it..now, just please, please do not let go.

Isnt it a comforting feeling to know that the shot is in your eye sight.
Go ahead, look at it for awhile..you dont even really need it, it just comforts you, knowing its there.
You have your ciggartte pack…those dont make you crazy.
Sure, youre going to become a chain smoker for the next few hours, but thats sure of a hell a lot better then becoming a tragic drunk.
When was it you had your last drink?..Oh, yes, 3 hours ago.
Drunk. and Fucked up.
Role Model status right there.

Take a seat now child.
Lets talk about what your future beholds..
No?-why not?
Im just trying to set things staight. Allow me to tell you about my younger life..
Drunk. and Fucked up.
You will be the same.
We have a lasting impression, and you’ll soon grow to realize..its just as easy to become Drunk. and Fucked up. as it is easy to let go.

PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT LET GO.

Youre empowered to change a life, or two. Hell, you have already changed a few.
Counting mine.
Sweet talk your way into my life a little more.
I wont dare let go.
Is that the awful truth about Love?
No, the fact I wont let go..and Im nothing but a meaningless girl in your life..that you used to know..whats my name again? oh well, fuck it.
Yeh, that, that is the awful truth about Love.

A Nice Clean Cut.
in the middle. dont prick it. dig it. the more you dig into the dirt, the faster you will find it. A new humanity, Im tired of all the same bullshit and disgrace this humanity owns, Im ready for the next human race, a new, a better, a cleaner, a more satisfying human race.
Show Me.
A Nice Clean Cut. You really are a starving artist.
Not so healthy anymore kiddo.
Cheers to the ones that made you like this..you have one hell of an adventure ahead of you.
Bring your music, bring your camera, bring your coffee, bring that picture.
I mean, that is all that means to you now.

Just. Dont. Let. Go.

He lied to you.
That doesnt sound like him.
Noone can believe what he did to you. He had such a loving cover over that nasty layer that slowly crept out of him.
Not even promises are gauranteed.
If promises no longer have a roll in this world.
What part do we have for this world?
Burn the photograph, drink all the coffee in one hour, give your camera to a happy couple, give the music to a homeless.
Have a Nice life. Miss Sunflower.
Its time you let go.

You used to be happy.
Now youre just disturbed.

You used to be unhappy.
Now youre just bored.

You look into the past where you used to be happy.
Ah.
Life.
What a perfect illusion.

Smoke a ciggarette.

Take a glance to the right,
Stumble over to what you see,
Thats a rough burn going down your throat,
The gin has never felt stronger,
Never felt better,
You dont even taste the blood rising up your throat.
Fuck.
That was one hell of a way to end a life.

Mediocre.

Everything inevitably changes.
This whole life is staged.

I walked into the bathroom at school at the technical center because I wasnt feeling too well.
A group of girls are giggling applying make-up..to their already made-up faces.
Is that what the whole female community does now?
Their appearance means more to them then any thing you can imagine.
Wow.
Way to be original girls..let me hand it to ya.
Tomorrow is picture day..I can only imagine the riot thats going to be taken place.
There will be yelling, pushing, hair ripping, earing pulling, nail scratching, eye liner sticks flying everywhere.   I wish.
In the bathroom they were nudging each other out of the way..those lips must be pink! There must not be any eyeliner smudges! OH DEAR GOD!  A CURL IS NO LONGER CURLED!!!
While I stand there..washing my hands..doing everything possible to not break those fake nails. Shit, I have a migrane.

It feels good to be home early.

Heartache.

he says…
“I love you, you know that Michele..right?”
I just nod..throwing dishes into the dish washer.
“I love you.”
Hes up to something..I know he is.

The other he says..
“you did make me happy and you still do!”
He just knows hes still my favorite. He doesnt want me to hurt even more then I do.
Even though hes already found a nicer, a better, a more vibrant yellow butterfly.

God, my left side hurts.